General information:
Gender: Woman
Age: 24
Name: Confused
Background:
I've been very close friends with a guy for about 2 years now. He and I met through mutual friends. We started emailing each other and became very infatuated. We finally met a couple of months later and continued our closeness. However, he decided to get back together with his ex-girlfriend soon after. I was devistated, because I was falling for him. We have been very close ever since. He and her have a very dysfunctional releationship--nothing in common, no communication and respect, etc. He and I continue to do everything together. We are exactly alike personality wise, and in the things we like to do. At this point, it's like a triangle between the three of us. He even tells me that he communicates with me more than his girlfriend. He says that I am everything that all of his best friends in the past have been. He won't rule out the possibility of a relationhip between us in the future, but I hate sitting around wondering what is going to happen. I feel like this is the man I could marry and spend the rest of my life with.Question:
How do I deal with the situation I am in? Why does he keep "stringing me along" so to speak? We are so right for each other, and I don't know whether to continue the friendship or to take a break so I can deal with my emotions. Please help!!
Andy's answer:
Dear Confused,
I can see why you're confused. On one hand your friend is telling you you're the One, and then at the same time he's being intimate and committed to another. For all that you say you two have in common and how right it feels to be with him, his two-faced behavior tells me he's either immature and has minimal sensitivity for your welfare, or that he's not telling you the truth about his feelings for the other woman. Either way, this is more than a slight flaw, and should be a major red flag for you about him. Think twice about furthering your involvement with him.
It may simply be that he doesn't feel the same way you feel about him, and he's hanging in there with you mainly because of your feelings for him. That's his confusion. Don't make it yours. Back off and let him make his choice, otherwise he's getting his cake and eating it too, and you're getting hurt.