Dear Noni,
You need to express your real feelings to your fiance, and let the chips fall where they may. In the 12-step program there's a saying: "Say what you mean without being mean," and that's exactly how you can break the news to him, that his incessant push for happiness is driving you bonkers.
You say you're worried that your truth will set your fiance back by depressing him. Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. I believe you're afraid that telling him the truth will lead to splitting up. And I suppose that's a possibility. Which makes telling the truth risky. I say not telling the truth is equally risky, because your resentment is rising.
So, telling the truth is a good next step, even though it might get a little messy. Do it lovingly. If you want to, do it in the context of a joint therapy session, where the therapist will serve as a "safety net" for you both. But do it.
You need to respect your fiance's progress with his depression, and respect your own process at the same time. Have faith that when you speak your truth, both of you will find new resources to move the relationship foreward through this.
On another note: I personally believe that when someone has to work so hard to be happy, something's wrong. Your fiance is filling his time with doing, and not feeling. You're putting lots of pressure on yourself to help keep that sort of struggle going, and you actually might not be helping him by doing that. Your experience is living proof that even happiness when made into a chore, can be stressful. Find a way to support your fiance in his quest without being swallowed up by it.
Good luck.
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